Dancing Sheep, Lumberjacks, Moles and more at the Kent County Show

I had never been to the Kent County Show and had really low expectations of the day revolving around sheep, cows and boring stands. Makes you wonder why I bought tickets?  Well I am so glad I did as it was the most absolutely Alice in Wonderland like rip roaring funny day I can remember.

We parked the car expecting a long walk to the entrance only to discover we were right outside gate number 3.  We walked through the woods and the Girl Guides tents and displays. I know this is sad but I could not stop the song “In the Brownies” playing over and over in my head.

Eva and I are in a good mood having fun when metaphorically we suddenly fall down the rabbit hole.

As if by magic we arrived at the bee display in time for a demonstration of Bee Keeping. Five bee keepers each had a wooden hive and were dressed in outfits that made them look like an unfortunate cross between an astronaut and a telly tubby.  We learnt how hard the female bees work and how the queen lays the equivalent, if she was a human, of a baby every 10 days.  We were also told how the male bees were useless and disappeared off to have sex with upstart potential queen bees.  It was explained how bee keepers colour code queens so they know how old they are. In a flight of fantasy I wonder what colour we would paint the Queen or indeed the Duchess of Cambridge.

Even more interesting was the fact that the person doing the presentation had decided not to put his bee keeper’s hat on.  As he spoke a cloud of increasingly angry bees appeared to be gathering behind him.  Next to us and watching proceedings was the white rabbit (AKA beekeeper in white outfit.)  “He’s brave” we were informed “but stupid”  Then with a horrible inevitability the bees struck stinging him and he quickly retreated behind a beekeepers hat whilst he soldiered on through his talk as he contorted in an effort to get the bees out.

We then walked around another bee exhibit and were amazed to discover all of our normal weekly fruit and veg intake being labelled as luxury items. Maybe that explains ASDA pricing or maybe it’s a Kent thing.
 

 Fully of the opinion that the bees were probably unintentionally the highlight of the day we moved on.

Imagine a massive lorry trailer and on the back you have about 8 sheep of different nationalities and breeds.  The group includes many Rams whose job it is to sleep with female sheep and we learn how after a while they get bored. Now amazingly these sheep have been trained to dance, some head-bang, some tango and one even moonwalks. We learn about the characteristics of each sheep as the presenter and animal trainer gets ever more amusing, as he live on stage shears a sheep. The show was far too rude for me to do it justice in the blog but it was hilarious. 

After only 45 minutes at the show and already I am blown away but the great surreal fun we are having is set to continue.

OMG I could not make it up! I yell  as we come across two massive 50 metre high poles and young tree surgeons dressed like lumberjacks in shoes with spiked heels and hoops race up the poles at break net speed pushing a button at the top to record their time.  The tune “I’m a lumberjack and I’m OK, I wear high heels” etc etc is impossible to stop in my head, I’m almost in the Monty Python scene.

We watch a number of races before moving on.  The trick to this surreal day is to keep moving on.

We find an area with all sorts of amazing food.  Eva seeks out something vegetarian. I set my heart on a French Crepe.  Cooked from fresh, the pancake is beautiful and made from all Kent produce. To quote the stunningly flirtatious French owner “you have the garden of England in your hand.”

Having finished off my food it’s time to seek out the dog show. Our intrepid animal trainer is now getting his dogs to herd ducks. In a brilliant demonstration of duck and dog management he manages to add in 20 children, ending up herding children, dogs, and ducks while keeping up a stream of funny stories.

How do you top what has been an absolutely crazy day. Well walking between big stands selling cars we did discover a Twinki and of course just had to give it a go.

Then nearby we found moles, or rather a mole show.  There followed a show with puppet moles or grass sharks as we were told was the racier name.  I now know that moles eat 2/3 of their body weight in worms a day and are deeply antisocial.  When they are ready to mate they have to travel outside their normal territory so have to build new tunnels, well the guys do anyway leaving mole hills along the way.  So mole hills are caused by boy moles out looking for some girl action.  Girl moles sit at home and wait for the guys to turn up. If the guys manage to arrive in the 24 hours in a year that she is in heat, then they will mate. 

What an exhausting day we think as we sit down with a lovely cup of tea to listen to a great Noel Coward like quartet dressed in black tie and tails singing “In the blue ridge mountains Virginia” .